Sunday, 10 January 2016

There has been an Awakening


Mauna Loa, a desolate and windswept volcanic island located deep within the Pacific ocean. This is the mountain stronghold housing the last remnants of the climate science cabal. Beneath it's smoking slopes exists a vast labyrinth of laboratories, housing monolithic computers upon which an army of climate scientists endlessly toil, committing various arcane and blasphemous adjustments to raw data in a desperate bid to topple the global economy.
For over a decade the island has been relatively quiet, smoking ever so slightly. This era of peace was known as the Pause. But now rumor grows of a shadow in the Pacific. I fear a great El Nino may have stirred the island a little too much and woken up those who dwell within, driving them to fiddle data as never before.
Evidence, if you need it
I came to this realization last Thursday around lunchtime, as I was checking over some dusty old excel spreadsheets. I was horrified to find various climate records had turned alarming.

The above chart purports to show the annual increase of CO2 as measured at Mauna Loa itself. Whether carbon dioxide even exists at all is of course debatable, atoms being nothing more than a theory, but for the data to display 2015 as having the largest annual CO2 increase on record is unacceptably alarmist.

Above: Records of sea level and ocean heat also show recent highs. An observer untrained in the ways of blog science might even make the mistake of thinking the pause never happened.
A possible solution to the madness
I have theorized that if we could somehow bring the 1988 testimony of James Hansen to the volcanic peak of Mauna Loa and drop it into the fiery bowels of the infernal mountain itself, we would finally end the reign of Al Gore for good. It would be an arduous and perilous quest for some brave blog scientists, for Mauna Loa is said to be circled by predator drones controlled by the all seeing eye of Obama. Even more dangerous however is the corrupting nature of logic and facts. The person we send would have to carefully chosen, someone who possesses an inate immunity to reason. I would volunteer to do this myself, but I have been drinking a lot of wine lately and plan to drink quite a bit more.

25 comments:

  1. Welcome back! You are sorely needed: the forces of water-melonistic world dominion have grown stronger in your absence.

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  2. I echo Lars' sentiments. Welcome back :-)

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  3. Whether carbon dioxide even exists at all is of course debatable, atoms being nothing more than a theory

    Of course CO2 exists, but it all comes from volcanoes as the above picture proves, and the global temperature increase is obviously from all that hot lava. So keep pumping out that C.. er I mean plant food.

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  4. Endorphin Monkey11 January 2016 at 04:56

    Mauna Loa may not actually be the secret hideout of the Global Climate Star Chamber. It is more likely an ersatz deception, much like Area 51 is a “Potemkin Village” type operation to draw public attention away from Area 52, where the REAL federal government secrets are frozen in vats of liquid sarcasium.

    The real hideout of the all-knowing all-seeing climate tentacle hydra is likely to be in a large cosmopolitan city with good international airline connections to the rest of the world, in a non-descript office building near excellent fine dining. At the door of this unassuming edifice will be a brass plate that has “Institute of Responsible Socio-Economic Governance (Enforcement Division)” etched on it. I do not know this building, this city, or the nearest Sushi/Sashimi restaurant to it. But that does not matter. Our own weapons are blogs and loud family arguments, and we are everywhere.

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  5. with so much plant food, this summer I'm gonna grow some tomatoes ... this big! Thanks, Mauna. Thanks, Loa.

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  6. Warmists are always fixated on either absolute values or, just as insidious, anomalies. We can easily debunk all this nonsense by simply looking at detrended data.

    Just about every one of these supposedly alarming charts ends up being completely innocuous - and I'm not suggesting you get your children inoculated - if we detrend them. Don't worry - DETREND!

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  7. Glad you are back Inferno, the greatest blog scientist ever. Lives! Wine is good.

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  8. Ignoramus describes you. Mouthing off just to hear your stupid self speak.

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    Replies
    1. And your reason for responding?...

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    2. Oh give it up Al: none of that evidence of yours counts for anything now its been pointed out you are fat.

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  9. That volcano is rigged. Mauna Loa is a hoax. Volcanos aren't real - the scientists fudged the photos.

    PS Echoing all the above sentiments. You've been missed, sorely. So glad you're back.

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  10. So glad to see you back - and on top of your game. Though I'd never have thought otherwise.

    Blog science lives!

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  11. Ask not what carbon dioxide can do for you, but what you can do for carbon dioxide! And, while you're at it, ask yourself, "What is the connection between El Chapo and the Mauna Loa labrinth?"

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  12. Do you realize that you're completely insane?

    I hope you get the psychiatric help that you so clearly need.

    Thanks for giving my colleagues and I such a laugh here with your nonsensical ramblings.

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  13. All the old gang is back.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks be to our lucky stars that Steve Goddard and Willard have been filling in for you with sanity such as this is proven to be. .

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  15. Alleluja, Dr Inferno is BACK!! You've been missed badly.

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  16. It's smoking slopes?
    El Nino?

    If the orthography of these two randomly-chosen phrases is representative of the intellectual and scientific rigor of this site—and let's be honest, it presumably is—or, let's be honest, lack thereof—then is it much wonder mainstream scientists don't take this blog literally?

    No—au contraire, it's very little indeed.

    Harrumph.

    Until you post a new article, I can honestly promise I will NOT be coming back here, sir.

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  17. Welcome back!! Really missed the valuable insights that this blog provides!

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